JOURNEY
Living with Loss
Each of the Journeys contributors shares their story with the hope they will help others grieving the loss of a loved one. Everyone's stories are their own unique experiences, and sharing them can both encourage others on a grief journey as well as help those who are grieving by honoring and sharing about their loved one. If you would be interested in sharing your story, we would be honored to do so.
“We wanted to change a day of mourning into a day of good joy and memories,” Kathleen said.
After planning their father’s funeral at Heritage, one of the sisters noticed a Thumbies brochure she had received. Thumbies are personalized charms created from actual fingerprints, handprints or footprints. Combining modern scanning technology with the ancient art of lost wax casting, Thumbies fashions the prints into artistic and intricately detailed sterling silver or gold jewelry.
Every year we'll purchase an ornament for our grief tree for people that we lost who are important to us. As we add new ornaments to our grief tree, we'll have a tangible way to see how many years we'll live through this grief. Grief is part of who we are and what we own now, and that grief tree is a symbolic of who we are now.
This, and 4 other ways to include remembering loved ones as part of your Christmas traditions.
“Merry Christmas!” “Happy New Year!”
Wherever you turn at this time of year, you encounter words of good cheer and reminders to celebrate the joy of the Christmas season. But those who are facing the first Christmas season following the loss of someone special in their lives may be wondering how they are going to simply survive the holidays, let alone find joy in them. So we asked several people we've served who all have experienced first holidays following a loss what advice they would give to those facing their own first Christmas. In their own words ...
“When someone’s that old you expect that death is coming someday, and you kind of dread it. It’s always there in the back of your mind. I was always trying to prepare myself that it would happen. It wasn’t tragic. But it was just such a shock,” explains Wendy. “A loss is a loss. You expect it but you don’t.”
We laughed and we cried over those blankets, but making them and giving them to my kids was part of the healing process.
They all have different needs. And meeting them all, while grieving myself, was hard sometimes. It was hard to be strong enough for me, let alone for them. But I was their mom and it was important to me to be there for them because they’re my kids and I hurt so deeply for them. I would have done anything to shield them from that loss, but since I couldn’t do that, I did the best I could to support them.
I realized early on that people grieve very differently. One woman at a group said I grieved hard for two months but then I was done. For me, I was still struggling four years later with trying to let go and move on with my life. Everybody’s different. That group helped me feel normal, though, and that what I was experiencing was normal.
I would have dreams about Gary after he died.
All of those little things that are reminders of big things so easily brought grief to the surface for me. All the details of life that reminded me that mine had changed forever. And it sometimes took me off guard. Grief is like that.
Everyone has their own normal and nothing is right or wrong. Grief is a personal thing. Some people clear out the closet the next week and are done; others hold onto things for years and years and years. Everyone’s different and everyone needs to figure out what is best for them. Letting yourself grieve is healthy and necessary and that looks different for everyone.
When an acquaintance loses a loved one, what do you say? When you see them at work, in the grocery store, reunion? What about attending a visitation or service? Knowing what to say and what not to say to someone who has experienced loss can be nerve-racking. Here is the bottom line: take a minute and consider the loss to you.