During the last couple of weeks we have had to help families face the death of a loved one during an unprecedented time of social distancing and travel restrictions. We have listened to families express either verbally or nonverbally “Its not our fault that mom died during a national crisis”. They want to gather for support with their family and friends. They want to have an event that marks the significance of a life. They want to be able to share their grief with others. They want their entire family to be able to connect in the same room. They want to have a large event that celebrates the wonderful life that was lived. Likewise, their concerned friends want the opportunity to attend a gathering and show support. We all face this frustration as we try to balance the basic needs for mourning and the present reality of social distancing.

Our customs around death have evolved throughout time to meet the needs of surviving family and friends. The viewing, visiting, funeral, interment service and often luncheon are not for the benefit of the deceased. Rather, they are all parts of helping survivors enter their personal journey into grief in a healthy manner. And so today, we must learn how to provide the emotional support of these events while recognizing the need to keep everyone safe.

A quick reactionary option might be to proceed with burial or cremation and plan a service for a later date. While that sounds logical, it does not meet the immediate emotional or psychological needs of those surviving. We know this based on our experiences in the past – even during times without the social restrictions. These delayed services often weigh heavily on immediate family members as they live the “in between”, the time between the death and the memorial events. This expanded time frame also delays the support of family and friends that is so desperately needed.

It is important to know that there are other options. Talk with your funeral director about what you would have done without the present restrictions. Allow us to work with you to create a plan that helps with your basic emotional needs as you start your journey of grief. Allow us to explain the importance of the various rituals and events associated with a service. Together, we can still provide a meaningful and memorable service that meets your mourning needs and honors your loved one.

Some ideas:

Allow us to create a beautiful life story of your loved one. Often, the interview conversation is a wonderful time of remembering for the family. We can still meet with a larger group of people using Zoom, Facebook Messaging, Google Meet, or Duo, or the good old fashioned telephone. Sharing the life story then invites others to share their own memoires and observations.
Have a roadside visitation – gather family members in one area (with proper spacing) and allow friends to drive by sharing their support, perhaps a brief time to talk as they remain in their car.
Have a funeral for immediate family members now, using live streaming to share the service with others. Then, once restrictions are lifted, have a Celebration of Life Gathering. This provides an immediate service for you while making a future celebratory event something to look forward to.
Engage friends using heritagelifestory.com and Facebook, giving a common place to share memories and thoughts
Lengthen periods of visitation – this can lead to less congestion, allowing more distancing.
Have a time of viewing at the funeral home. There may be cases where you couldn’t enter the hospital, nursing home, or retirement community to say a final farewell. Ask your family members if they want to participate – don’t think you know their needs without first asking them.
Video call and voice calls to create a private family sharing time. We can help organize this sharing time and even help lead a meaningful discussion. If you are not confident in your technological skills, allow us to help.
You might have a younger person in the family with some time on their hands as school is not meeting. Perhaps send them pictures and have them create a video or photobook that can be shared with others.
Create a memory book – we can provide you with blank sheets that fit in a binder. Have each family member write some of their favorite memories and attach pictures.

Please contact us with any questions or perhaps ideas of your own. We are here to help you during this difficult time.